Mind Your Manners for Success at Dinner Parties

easterdinnerWhether you are eating with people you have known your entire life or are a guest at a table with people you are meeting for the first time, good table manners lead to a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere that is enjoyed by everyone present. This Easter, as you gather with friends and family members to celebrate and feast, follow these dinner party tips to foster friendly, cheerful interactions.

1. When attending a dinner party in the host’s home, remember that the space and facilities may not be designed to host large parties and some creativity and adaptation may have been required to accommodate all the guests.

In some cases, children may be asked to eat at a separate table from the adults or food may be served buffet style. In all cases, we take our cue from the host/hostess and accept the chosen arrangement without question.

2. If the meal is served as a buffet, the host/hostess should announce when the meal is ready to be served. It is also appropriate for them to indicate the order that guests should line up at the buffet. It is most respectful to invite the elderly guests to serve themselves first, providing they are able to do so.

Those whom may be infirm should be served first by the host or hostess or an arranged attendant. Toddlers and young children are also usually seated and served by their parents or guardians at this time. Adult guests should be invited to serve themselves next, followed by young adults, teens and pre-teens. The host and hostess serve themselves last.

3. In formal dining, it is appropriate to wait for all diners to be served before beginning to eat your meal. However, at an informal gathering or buffet-style dining, the host or hostess may announce that everyone should begin eating as soon as they are served so their meal does not go cold.

4. Second helpings are perfectly acceptable at a dinner party. In fact, it will probably make the cook’s day! Before helping yourself to more, make sure that everyone has been served a first time and has had an opportunity to eat a good portion of their meal, then compliment away! For example, “The cheesecake s delicious! Would you mind if I help myself to a little more?”

5. At an informal gathering, it is not uncommon for mistakes to be made. Food may be under or over cooked, the taste of something may not suit your palate, or the table may not be set according to etiquette rules. In all of these cases, good-mannered guests remember that the ultimate goal of etiquette is to show respect and help others to feel comfortable in their presence and say nothing that may embarrass their host or hostess.

If you don’t care for the taste of something, just leave the remaining portion on your plate. Don’t announce it to the table or call attention to it in any way. If you are asked about it, you may respond with, “I’m rather full, thank you.” Never insult the cook or the host/hostess. If the table is not set as you might expect, simply pick up a suitable utensil with the correct hand and enjoy your meal.

6. Keep the conversation light and friendly. At family gatherings, sensitive topics are often brought up by well-meaning, but misguided family members or friends. In such cases, it is best to manoeuvre the topic to redirect the conversation. For example, you could pose a question to someone else. “By the way, Harry, didn’t you mention that you and June are retiring this year?” Another way of diffusing an awkward situation is to remove yourself from it. For example, “Tom, let’s go and check on the children, in the garden.”

You may also redirect the conversation by acknowledging the comment or question and then shifting to a more suitable topic. For example, if Aunt Agatha continues to ask when you are getting married, you might reply, “I’ll get around to it one of these days but, at the moment, I am looking forward to four weeks of fun in the sun with friends in Mexico. No time for a husband, I’m afraid!” (with a bright smile on your face). If Uncle Jack asks when you are getting a job, simply reply, “I am keeping my options open at the moment. I am looking into opportunities overseas, as well as here at home.” And, if Aunt Liz is wondering when to start knitting baby clothes, you can keep the mood light by replying, “The puppy is keeping us busy right now, so how about you start with a coat for him?”. If you are feeling sensitive about a specific subject, you may want to rehearse a few responses ahead of time, so you can keep your cool and respond easily should the topic come up.

Family gatherings are special times for connecting and being part of a community. As with any social situation, the rules of etiquette and good manners help you make a good impression and ensure the event is pleasant and memorable for everyone involved.

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