Hostess Gifts with Grace and Confidence

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on December 13th, 2010

‘Tis the season for holiday entertaining!

When you are invited and attend a holiday party, it is customary and good manners to show your appreciation with a gift for the host or hostess.

If you are one of the many people who are confused or anxious about finding the perfect hostess gift for each event, relax.  The gift need not be extravagant or the best gift ever given or received; it is a gesture of appreciation for the effort your host put into the event and a thank you for being invited.

Tips to help you handle hostess gifts with grace and confidence:

    • For most holiday events, from open houses to dinner parties, bringing a hostess gift is good form. However, if you are attending a potluck dinner and are bringing food to share at the party, it is not necessary to also bring a hostess gift, although it is never wrong to offer a gift.

 

    • A hostess gift is just that, a gift. Whether you bring wine or other spirits, chocolates or candy, flowers, or anything else, you are giving it to your host to do with as they please. Do not expect your gift to be served or put on display that evening and do not take it back at the end of the event.The exception is a food dish brought to a potluck dinner party, in which case, you usually retrieve the dish your brought it in and any remaining food when you leave.

 

    • Present your gift to the host or hostess when you arrive for the event, but do not expect them to make a fuss, especially when you are attending a larger event with many guests. Your hosts will be busy and, aside from a “thank you” when they receive the gift, will not have time to dote on it.

 

    • Keep it simple. Hostess gifts do not need to be extravagant or unique. Generally, expect to spend between $20 and $30 for a hostess gift. A bottle of wine is often a good choice, as are chocolates, homemade treats, wine glass charms, scented candles, flowers, and so on.

 

    • When choosing a hostess gift, look for something that will cause minimal fuss, for example, avoid cut flowers that need to be arranged into a vase immediately. Instead, choose a flower arrangement already in a vase, a potted plant, or another item that doesn’t require your host’s immediate attention.

 

    • Generally, you bring a hostess gift with you and offer it when you arrive. If you forget, don’t have time before the event, or want to find out what they need before choosing a gift, it is also acceptable to send a hostess gift the following day. For example, you could send a flower bouquet with a thank you card the day after the party.

 

  • The hostess gift is a thank you to the host and hostess. Do not expect a thank you card or gift in return. Of course, the hosts should acknowledge the gift with a “thank you” when they receive it. If they were busy and you left the gift and card for them to receive later, a phone call the following day with a personal “thank you” for the gift is polite.

Whatever you decide to bring as a hostess gift, once you are at the party relax and enjoy the time with your friends and family. Rest assured that the hosts did not invite you for the gift you would bring; they invited you for your company.

The best gift any guest can give is their attendance, good humour, and enjoyment of the event.

Etiquette Around People Who Have Disabilities

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on October 14th, 2010

Although we often take our bodies for granted, they are not indestructible nor do they last forever. Those of us who consider ourselves “able-bodied” will find that this condition is only temporary and, at some point, whether through normal wear and tear or through injury or illness, we too will face the frustration of not being able to do the things we used to be able to do and, perhaps, the need to rely on others for assistance.

It should go without saying that we treat all people who have disabilities as we would like to be treated in a similar situation. However, if you have not yet been in a similar situation, you may feel awkward and unsure about how you would want to be treated.

The following general guidelines for interacting with or assisting people who have disabilities may help:

  • Be respectful of the person’s capabilities

Most people who have disabilities have learned how to cope in most situations they encounter. Don’t assume they need help or are incapable, but if someone seems to be having difficulty, ask them if you can be of assistance.

  • Ask before entering a person’s personal space

Remember that assistive devices, such as wheelchairs, canes, and service dogs, are part of the person. If someone seems to be struggling up a hill or curb in a wheelchair, ask if they would like assistance before you take hold of their wheelchair. If a person with a visual impairment is attempting to navigate a busy area, introduce yourself and ask if you can help, and then allow them to take your arm rather than taking hold of them.  Always, let the person tell you the best way you can help them.

  • Communicate with the person directly

Avoid talking with a person’s attendant as though the person wasn’t present.  If you are speaking with a person who has a hearing impairment, face them as you talk. Avoid talking fast or using exaggeratedly slow speech and do not cover your face or mouth.  People with hearing impairments often use facial expression and mouth movement to help them understand what is being said.

  • When possible, talk to people at their eye level.

If you are talking to someone who is in a wheelchair, you might squat beside them or sit in a chair so they don’t have to look up at you. If you are standing, don’t stand so close that they have to tip their head all the way back to make eye contact with you.

Although there are other disability-specific suggestions, the most important thing to remember when interacting with people who have disabilities is to treat them with the same respect and consideration you would anyone else. Most people are forgiving when intentions are good so don’t avoid interacting with people who have disabilities for fear you will make a mistake. For additional information about disability etiquette, see here: United Spinal Organization Guidebook.

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Dog Walking Etiquette

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on September 15th, 2010

Living in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia where one in ten people own a dog, we are fortunate to share our community with many of our four legged. For the most part, dog owners are considerate of others when they are out with their dogs, but on occasion we are reminded that not everyone is aware of or follows good etiquette when walking their dog.

If you own or care for dogs, be sure to follow these etiquette guidelines when taking your dog to public places:

Respect on leash areas of parks and streets
In BC, we are fortunate to have many off leash dog parks and areas. These areas are specifically set aside to allow dogs to run and interact with other dogs unhindered by a leash. When you are not in an off-leash area, keep your dog on a leash. Many people are uncomfortable around dogs or even allergic to them. Some simply don’t want dogs putting muddy paws on their clothes or are concerned that they will be bitten. Even if you think your dog is well trained and friendly, keep him on a leash unless the area specifically allows dogs off leash and especially when someone looks nervous about the dog, if they have a leashed dog, or if they have small children with them.

When Using a Leash, Keep your dog on the same side of the walkway as you are
If your dog is on a leash, particularly a retractable leash, make sure your dog does not cross to the other side of the sidewalk or path from where you are walking. Runners or bikers on that path may come along quickly and not see the leash stretching across their path. If they trip over the leash, they and your dog could be seriously injured.

Give way to bikers, runners, and horses that share the path
If you are walking in an area where people ride bikes, run, or ride horses, do not allow your dog to chase or get in the way of these people. If your dog is off leash, call them back and hold onto them until the area is clear. If you dog is on a leash, bring them in close to you and make sure the leash doesn’t cross the path. Depending on their speed and distance from the ground, bikers, runners, and riders may not be able to see and navigate around your dog in time.

Always clean up after your dog
Whether you are in a residential area or off on a trail, do not leave dog excrement laying about. It is extremely inconsiderate to leave it on a sidewalk or grassy area where children play, but even on a trail where you might rationalize that it would decompose on its own, it is inappropriate to leave it. With the large numbers of dogs sharing the trails and parks, the amount of dog excrement that would be left would not decompose in a timely manner and the trail would be less enjoyable for others.

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Looking for a unique gift idea?

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on August 11th, 2010

This question was posed to me some time ago and, again, by someone quite recently,

“Next week I will be meeting my, soon to be, Step-Mother for the very first time.  I would like to buy her a gift but have no idea what to buy. Do you have any suggestions?”

A beautiful bouquet of flowers is always a welcomegift, by all, except for those who have allergies. An alternative, and more personal option, is a Silver or Crystal Picture Frame. Rather a nice selection can be found in a good Jeweller’s Shop.  They will also professionally gift wrap it for you, which is a nice added touch.

A suggestion for the gift card, “To dear (NAME)  “Welcome to our Family” With warmest best wishes, (SIGN YOUR NAME).

Most important, take your Camera with you for this important occasion. If you don’t have one, buy a cheap disposable Camera. Whether you are meeting at a Restaurant or a Coffee Shop there is always someone close by who will be willing to take a family photograph. Explain to your, soon to be, Step-Mother (after she has opened the gift) that the photograph will follow; completing, in my opinion, the perfect gift. Along with something one cannot buy, the warm & welcoming smile and nice compliments.

The family circle will be joined well before the next big occasion – The Wedding Day!

How do you run a Home Based Business and entertain over- sea’s guests?

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on July 20th, 2010

A dilemma faced by many. I was asked this question by a Home Based Business Owner,

“I run a Home Based Business and have over-sea’s guests coming to stay, with me, for three weeks in the summer. While I welcome the company, how do I politely encourage them to go out each day so that I can attend to my business?”

Whether guests are visiting from out of country or across country the little “Welcome” note will be well received along with a couple of magazines and some brochures of local places of interest eg: Museums, Art Galleries, Theatres, Parks, Hikes & Trails and Shopping Malls. Include a Map of the local and surrounding areas. If you feel that transportation is going to be an issue and you don’t have an additional car to offer them, enclose a couple of Car Rental brochures thus providing a subtle, indirect, hint that your vehicle(s) are not available for their use.

Remembering your good manners, don’t forget the daily “warm welcome” touch by listening and showing an interest as your guests’ relay the events of their day to you. Discuss your guests’ plans over dinner. With offers of a wakeup call and a packed lunch you will be waving them off before the Newspaper arrives. Enjoy!

Breaking Bread

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on July 20th, 2010

Breaking Bread. Could there  possibly be Table Etiquette rules about eating a piece of bread? Yes!

It is not good table manners to pick up a piece of bread and use it as a baton. The etiquette rule being, don’t talk and wave your bread around in the air to emphasize your point.

Take one piece of bread, or break off one piece of bread, at a time from the serving dish or basket.

Break your bread into reasonably sized pieces. Not too small but bigger than bite size.

To butter your bread, rest the piece of bread against your plate. It is not good table manners to hold the slice of bread in the palm of your hand to butter it.

Butter one piece of bread at a time. Finish eating that piece before helping yourself to another piece of bread.

Place the butter knife on the side plate, after it has been used.

Butter is served in several different ways. It may be served as a stick of butter on a little serving plate, in a small dish filled with whipped butter or small balls of butter, or little individually wrapped pats of butter.

Eat with your mouth closed. Chew each bite and swallow before putting more  food into your mouth.

Do not reach across the table. Politely ask someone to pass you the bread basket remembering those magic words, “Please” and “Thank you.”

Camp Etiquette

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on July 20th, 2010

Preparing Your Child for a Positive Summer Camp Experience

Sleepover summer camps provide a wonderful opportunity for children to learn new skills, develop friendships, and gain a sense of independence and autonomy. It also gives them a chance to practise their etiquette skills. Before sending your child to summer camp, review these skills to help him feel more confident at camp.

Meeting New People

Summer camps generally assign children of similar ages to cabins. This arrangement allows children to form close bonds with their cabin mates and to develop new friendships. But, for children who are shy or reserved, meeting and sharing close quarters with people they don’t know can be unnerving.

You can prepare your shy child by reviewing tips for introducing themselves, making conversation, and joining in activities. Outgoing children, on the other hand, may not understand how this situation could cause anxiety. If your child is very outgoing, discuss how introverted people might feel and offer tips for including a shy child in conversation and encouraging them to join in activities. Also, let them know that introverted people need time alone and not to take it personally if a shy child chooses to read a book rather than join in a game or conversation.

Being Considerate of Others

When sharing a living space, it is critical that everyone think about how their habits and behaviour affect their roommates. Remind your child to be tolerant of differences and to accommodate other people’s needs. If your child is an early riser, she may need to occupy herself quietly until the others wake up. And if your child usually stays up later than the cabin lights-out time, he will need to abide by the rules and turn off lights and be quiet after that time. If your child is disorganized at home and leaves her belongings wherever she happens to be at the time, discuss the importance of respecting shared space. For a child who is very particular, you might remind him not to hold others to his standards and to tolerate more disarray than he is used to.

Respecting Other’s Property

Children often live in the moment and don’t appreciate the costs of items or the importance of caring for them. Remind your child that the use of the camp property is a privilege not to be taken lightly. The cabins, furniture, sporting equipment, craft supplies, kitchen dishes, and so on are the property of the camp and must be used by future campers. However, if something should break or become damaged, regardless of how it happened, inform your child that they need to report it to their cabin leader or counsellor immediately.

It is extremely poor etiquette to hide the damage or deny being involved if you were. At camp, children must also respect the property of other campers. If they use or borrow something that belongs to someone else, they must treat it with the utmost respect and return it in the same condition they got it. If they break something belonging to another camper, etiquette also requires them to take responsibility by repairing or replacing the item.

Dining Etiquette

Basic dining etiquette applies to eating at camp. If your child is particular about their food, point out that people are working hard to prepare good food for him and all the other campers and encourage him to try new things. Generally, summer camps offer a variety of meals and some will be unfamiliar to your child. Encourage her to try new dishes before deciding she doesn’t like them and, if she takes something to try and doesn’t like it, she can discreetly deposit it in the garbage at the end of the meal without making negative comments about it. Also remind your child that he needs to abide by and support the clean-up rules set by the camp.

Reviewing these etiquette rules with your child can help to improve their camp experience. With a solid understanding of expected behaviour, children can feel confident and relaxed going into any situation and that includes summer camp.

Community Etiquette Means Being a Good Neighbour

Posted by Elizabeth Etiquette on July 19th, 2010

As I was out walking in my neighbourhood and enjoying a warm summer evening, I got to thinking about what makes a neighbourhood a great place to live.

Of course, safety is important, so areas where the crime rate is high are not the nicest places to live.

Clean and well-maintained streets also make a difference to liveability, as do friendly people and feeling that you’re part of a community. In fact, the people who live in the neighbourhood have a large influence on its overall liveability. In the best neighbourhoods, many people have a community etiquette that contributes to its safety, friendly atmosphere, and overall sense of community.

Try these community etiquette tips to foster more community spirit in your own neighbourhood:

  • Treat your neighbourhood as you treat your home Your neighbourhood, actually, is your home on a wider scale. Keep it clean and well-maintained. Always deposit litter in appropriate garbage containers, and if you find litter left by someone else, pick it up. If you have a dog, clean up after it, even in the winter when the mess might be hidden by snow, at least until the spring. If you notice city or town property that needs repair or maintenance, such as a burned out street light, a pothole, a broken sign, call the city to report it.
  • Be friendly and interested in your neighbours When you see your neighbours, always offer a cheerful greeting and, whenever you have time, stop to chat. When you know your neighbours and what is going on in their lives, it creates goodwill and opens communication should any issues arise. If you notice a neighbour having a problem, offer to help if you can. For example, when an elderly neighbour is unable to mow their lawn or shovel snow from their walk, do theirs when you are doing yours.
  • Be considerate of your neighbours needs Avoid making noise at times when people are usually sleeping, that is, early in the morning or late at night. Mow your lawn or use other power tools or machines later in the morning or early in the evening to avoid disturbing others who may be sleeping. And, if you have a party, wrap it up or move indoors by 11:00pm. If you have lights in your yard or garden, place them so they don’t shine in your neighbour’s windows and, if you smoke, avoid smoking in areas where the smoke could drift into open windows in nearby houses.
  • Get involved in community events and issues As with most things in life, you get back what you put in. Communities are a reflection of the people who live there, so if you want to be part of a safe, friendly neighbourhood, you need to do your part. If your community has a neighbourhood association, join or offer to assist with some activities. If it doesn’t, consider starting one. Pay attention to community issues and participate in city planning that affects your neighbourhood. Organize a neighbourhood barbeque, start a crime watch program, or a neighbourhood cleanup day.

Where we live is a reflection of who we are. If you want to live in a great neighbourhood, start by being a great neighbour. Practise these community etiquette skills and you will soon see them reflected in your neighbourhood.

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